How do you know?
We'll know.
What if I'm sleeping?
The SMS will wake you up. That's kind of the point.
Can I get a refund if He doesn't come back?
That means the service is working.
Is this real?
Is faith real?
What if I'm in the shower?
Towel first. Then look up.
Can I cancel?
Anytime. But eternity is long.
How many alerts have been sent so far?
Zero. The service is working perfectly.
What's the average time between alerts?
About 2,000 years.
What if I miss the text?
You won't miss what comes after.
Is this a joke?
We take salvation very seriously.